


apoptosis

by hemothorax



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abstract, Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Betrayal, Biblical References, Birds, Bittersweet, Character Development, Falling In Love, First Love, I THINK?? I RLLY DONT KNOW, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kinda?, M/M, Multi, Ocean, Stars, Violence, but like not really??? idk., idk how to tag this, its a really poetic way to go through like. coming of age?? kinda?, its really abstract, lapslock, not sure how to describe this, please read it i worked really hard on it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-17 02:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18956002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemothorax/pseuds/hemothorax
Summary: the ocean was there with him, and the angel that showed him heaven, and now the stars to complete the universe."it's okay," the galaxy had murmured, pushing gentle dark locks off his forehead, "you can rest,"





	1. parasite

**Author's Note:**

> hello, this work is very weird and idk how i even wrote this  
> please enjoy and cry at me about pristin and svt @svtpunch on twitter
> 
> based off rock opera 1 & 2 by emezie okorafor on youtube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tZtv2HNp_w

chan drifted around the world, mindlessly swirling with the pollen, dancing with the leaves. he had never traveled so far before, despite living his life wandering in the empty void. he never thought about what else there was, if there was anything else to his life. he simply stayed, a single soul on the earth, in his own gently purgatory. he went person to person, barely grazing their surface, just a background character in the movie of earth. no, he wasn't brainwashed, he wasn't braindead, he was just... there.

some part of him yearned to feel more, yearned to expand his horizons, simply one atom among millions,  _billions._ nobody there to hold him tight, to catch the water that dripped between his fingers, the wind going through his hair the same way he goes through day by day; just floating through.

life was neither dull nor exciting, life was life. never loved, never lost, it was simply something to keep his mind alive. he had a heartbeat, content with no worries. ignorance was bliss, anyway, or so he was told. his only purpose was to be another in society, another speckle on a painting, another beating, moving being to complete the puzzle. all was well. never thought about a heaven, never thought of a hell. all he was to be is existence. drifting, floating, his mind merely a comet in the galaxy, a grain of salt in the ocean.

chan then met him. he was beautiful, tall and fluid, birthed from the unseen caves of the ocean. his gaze tugged at his heart like the ocean pulling at his ankles, slowly burying his feet in the smooth and gently caress of the current. he named himself joshua, showing the boy the sea, the ocean, the beauty of moonlight and the small things to enjoy. he was fluid, love unyielding as they dance in the sea, angular eyes picking at every beautiful detail to share with the younger. they swam, the stars rippling off the gentle ocean breeze and his smooth, tan skin, reflecting the beauty that was within.

joshua was, what one could only describe at ethereal. he had a voice of molasses, letting his body float in the gentle touches of his fingertips. he held him like he was weightless, throwing him in the air, teaching him to swim, to see the beauty. the two gave endless love, so fast and beautiful, the rings of saturn would be envious. together, they floated through the sea. no longer floating with pollen, no longer dancing with the leaves, instead he floated with the stingrays, meeting the fish, seeing the beauty, drifting and dancing with the beasts that yearned for just understanding.

it was breathtaking, the new life he found, the new purpose. his old life seemed redundant, finding the beauty of detail, the worries washed away by the soothing saltwater. maybe chan does not have a destiny, maybe he does not have a true motive, but he has garnered a new way to live. joshua was his best friend, taking him to explore everywhere, to see the mundane beauty that the normal eye skimmed over on a daily basis.

there was a day, one day, where joshua wasn't there. a sickness, he supposes, as chan visited the familiar crystallized caves he was first taken to when he was plucked from the air. as he traveled through the sea, he came across a feather. a beautiful, stark white feather, and he found more as he walked along the path. the curiosity massaged his brain, whispering soft words in the honey-like voice of joshua to follow the trail. and, he did.

chan followed, running into the rash sting of wind, whipping and speeding and swirling in a chaotic yet eloquent pattern. feathers with patterns, stripes, and every color imaginable took him off his feat like a tornado. he was no longer in the gentle sea, instead he was in the rushing wind. the wind spun everything, details disappearing to articulate paintings with such ferocity and elegance. he was soaring, flying over the skies, a calloused hand leading him, it's owner like an angel upon the earth.

he wasn't joshua, he was different. no detail, only big picture. no hesitance, just try.

"you'll always regret what isn't tried," he had said, and took the boy on adventures.

he had a cotton voice, soft and plush, showing the beauty and adrenaline of the world. jeonghan, is his name, the bird that carries him and shows him to fly. he flies with grace, with speed, and with intent. theres no hesitating, there's no calculating- just go. together, the wind danced around them, they laughed until breath was no longer, spending every drop of energy in chasing the sun and moon around the world. he felt the heat of the stars on his back, the coolness of the wind keeping him grounded, simply flying through and enjoying the big picture.

tornadoes frolicked through the planet, driven with speed and destiny, and chan was carrying the birds, the pollen, the leaves. he was no longer being carried, he was the carrier, exploring every crevice without stopping to smell- he would simply take the flowers and think of the adventures later.

although jeonghan taught him the gratifying impulses of life, there was always a line. a line that neither joshua or jeonghan had crossed, and chan never dared to either. instead, he soared the sky, between heaven and hell, tasting the clouds and smelling the sky, nosing his way into exhilaration. the rush, the high, the flying, it gave him another way to live his life.

he was warned of the thunderstorms, the snow that cut through cheeks like light through the slices of the clouds. there was hesitance, hearing the stories of birds crushed on the windshield behind the steering wheel, but something ever so tempting teased his senses day by day. and, so, in the darkest of the night, he flew. he soared, ink staining his retinas and the glittering pelt of the galaxy guiding his way. he ran his hands through the stars, watching planets swirl around his fingers, like the oceans he used to dance in. he floated high above the earth, in a euphoria, seeing a glimpse of heaven with hell just a remnant of folktale.

he swam in the sky, floating like he had been trained for years, breeze of ice-cold clouds drifting past him and whispering encouragement into his newborn ears. he saw the world, seeing everything there was to see, taking the small happiness of details and the beauty of the picture, but it seems the warnings were right. the storm swept the poor, unsuspecting boy into its arms, yanking at his skin and drawing icicle-like claws across his skin. his wings faltered, the fins freezing, and chan hurtled to the ground. 

he crashed headfirst into the mountains, snow freezing every capillary inside his body, turning the blood into slush. he was frozen, stuck in the horizon like the purgatory he used to wander with no aim.

 _perhaps this is the end_ , he had thought,  _a beautiful life, and a little too much risk._

he lay in the snow, shivering but content, seeing nothing but the dead end he had created for himself. he told himself it was okay, despite the longing he felt to explore more. it would be alright.

and chan closed his eyes, the whipping snow creating a blanket to hold him, frozen in this moment.

the snow was warm, enclosing him in a mothers embrace, kissing his head with every whisp of the wind. the snow lulled him away from reality, gentle singing warming his head and bringing his blood back to life. it was odd, when he opened his eyes, the brightness that blinded his sliver pupils. his bones creaked from the cold, no longer a blanket of snow wrapping him, but a woolen blanket. he put his arm over his eyes, ears numb and full of whispers from the snow and the clouds, trying to adjust to the new surroundings he was brought to.

a few moments passed, but chan eventually saw a gentle smile. warmth radiated from him, starkly contrasting from the snow, like a fire in a log cabin. his hands were hot, like steaming showers and eyes full of bright glittering stars. he was the snow, the sky, the stars. he had the warmth of the sun in his smile, the sparkling intensity of the stars above the clouds, the gentle hold of the sky. a tooth caught on his lip brewing steaming lemon tea to rejuvenate the boy.

the ocean was there with him, and the angel that showed him heaven, and now the stars to complete the universe.

"it's okay," the galaxy had murmured, pushing gentle dark locks off his forehead, "you can rest,"

mingyu gave the snaggle-toothed smile, letting chan drift into the lovely abyss that was his embrace. and, thus, chan became part of his solar system, gazing at the sun that radiated from his person, the ocean and sky surrounding him like the perfect cushion. days flew by, and chan was met with more people- more excitement, learning about the grass and the flowers and the bugs and everything there was to offer. he was experiencing the true meaning of life, people cherishing him and loving him and showing him from the smallest cell in the planet to the largest view of the galaxy.

he grew and grew, the pack he found entwining their vines in a protective barrier around the naive, reminding him of the friends he creating, the things he learned. it was his true life,  _this_ , this was what life was about. the friendship, the love, the warmth, the galaxy. he found his people, the ones he truly gained strength from. he grew from a simple parasite to a being that has experienced all, and has found endless ways to live his life-

 

well...  _almost_.

 

he met  _him._ no, not just any him, not the ocean, the sky, or the stars-  _him_. so much more. the moment their eyes met, there was an unexplained feeling in his chest, fire burning ablaze in his heart, thumping and pounding like his hands on a wooden door. he wasn't just the dancing of the reef around, he wasn't just the clouds smoothing his hair, he wasn't just the stars he bathed in- he was  _everything_. everything chan had ever wanted. he was the perfect being, and reached to him with such a gentle nature, he didn't seem real.

their hands met for the first time, and it was euphoric. his cheeks grew to reveal a dazzling, contagious smile, warmer than any forest fire he had ever seen. it made his heard swim, just like the ocean, the fluidity of his movements and his dancing swirling like the current of his past. his laugh was music, beautiful noise that stole the breath straight from his lungs- stole the oxygen from his blood. his eyes held the stars- _no_ , his eyes held the suns of the universe, his hair glittering in the moonlight from the stars dusted onto him.

he was the only one chan could see, the only one who could understand him, the only one to be so perfect, to ethereal, so.. so beautiful there wasn't a word to properly describe.

he felt things he never felt before with him-  _soonyoung_. felt the taste of pleasure, selfish pleasure that did nothing but please them. he felt the rush, the exhilaration jeonghan had shown him, but in much more intimate and beautiful ways. soonyoung offered the boy the reddest apple he'd ever seen, and there was not a single thought of wanting to say no before he bit it. the dreams he saw at night came alive, flashing against his eyelids, truly ascending to heaven and feeling the realness, the rawness--

his entire life became a non-stop rush, an adventure, his system being flooded with the most pleasurable sensations he'd ever had the joy of experiencing. they ran, they swam, they floated, they tasted the stars, they bit through the clouds, they did the impossible, hand in hand, heartbeats thumping against one another.

he would see his glowing eyes across the way, enticing him, inviting him in for another touch, another adventure. he was addicting, the world rippling from black and white to the most explosive of colors when they were together. his world was no longer a pearl sealed in the bed of a clam, instead he was the seer of the galaxy, jumping and running from one reality to another, as if he could exist in multiple universes.

chan doesn't know when, or how, but he remembers sitting on cool stone, the galaxy painting the backdrop of their life, and gazing at the older with an undefinable feeling, and something struck him.

 

_he was in love._

 

_"forever, my love. we will be the forever to outlive the universe, and every reality from the start of time until the end."_

 

and they lived like that. every day, another universe. another name, another person, another  _everything_. it was a rush, running and never stopping. but, with love always comes doubt. the heaven they created, it couldn't last forever, no matter how long or how desperately they wanted it to stay. behind the euphoria they lived in, the time would have to unveil the truth. the heaven hurtled to the ground, threatening to break through the purgatory he had lived what seemed like lifetimes ago. it sailed, the truth coming out, breaking the crust of every earth they ever adventured, going and joining into the same hell.

there, they landed in the devil's seat, a glowing halo around chan's head as nothing floated around soonyoungs. they saw the man, a foreign boy, who just from looking, one could tell he embodied the most sinful bodies known to all. envy flowed from him like ice-cold tidal waves on the side of a broken ship. it stuck into chan's heart the moment they crashed through the final layer and made an entrance into their hell. there was greed, envy, an insatiable lust for nothing more than destruction.

chan had never experienced such hate, never felt such ruin from one being, or even in general.

 _"minghao,"_ soonyoung spoke cooly, giving a name to the devil's face, angular eyes glaring through him and straight to the angel that gripped onto soonyoung's hand.

it was like soonyoung wasn't real, he hadn't ever existed, and a sad, pitiful part of chan believed it for a moment-

_smack._

a red handprint lay on the cheek of the devil, who merely turned back and gave an ominous chuckle. if every person chan had ever met embodied something, the man they fell to embodied pure and unforgiving hate. he embodied the darkest depths of the ocean, the ones never dared to be explored, which held the souls of unfortunate victims who drowned and fell. it held the hurricanes and whipping wind that ruined the lives of millions across every thinkable universe. it held the frozen bodies in snow pits, the stranded victims of unaccomplished hikes. it held the true embodiment of  _death_.

and, the only thing more bloodcurdling than minghao, was the fact soonyoung didn't even  _care_. that soonyoung dared to disrespect, to cause harm, to the man who controls all death.

yet, soonyoung's hands grabbed his, electricity flowing in ways that chan had never even wanted to experience, electricity shocking and hurting him. he was dragged to the tunnels of the world, running to an open valley of screams and horror.

the lovers were separated, different dead, vengeful souls feeding off the evil that started to seep into the pores of their skin. chan was nothing but terrified, unmoving and watching soonyoung easily knock hate-hungry beings off his back, like they were no more than bugs. the evil that festered inside the deepest part of soonyoung's mind started to consume him, showing true colors as the souls cowered in fear in front of him.

sharp eyes turned to chan, sinking venom into his arm with a swift bite, throwing him into an ocean where he didn't know how to swim. he choked, gasping for air, seeing joshua stand above him with nothing more than a sad pity on his eyes. he coughed bubbles, feeling his bones creaking and shriveling with the density of the ocean floor consuming him. joshua hadn't ever shown him the evil that was there, he only ever knew the light dances, the swimming, the schools of fish, but this.. this  _demon_ latched onto him like a leech, filling his veins with salt water.

there was another prick, his neck being scratched and torn, suddenly able to breath, but with the consequence of no voice. no air could escape him, falling through the ocean floor and through the clouds, diving headfirst towards the cruel, unforgiving land under the sky. he rocketed past flocks of birds, too much air going through his lungs, his ribs might've burst and broken. his body was chilled, suffocating on the air with the dreadful gaze of jeonghan flying above him, never touching the ground. he was unwilling to try and save him, to try and show mercy, it was nothing that had ever happened before- yet it felt so unmistakably real.

there was a last gash, like a knife impaling his sternum, breaking and filling him with a coldness he'd never felt before. he felt like everything was turned into ice, he was trapped on the peak of a mountain, fingers painfully frozen to the edge of a mountain. his joints pulled at his body, screaming and begging to let go of the crying rocks he was frozen to. he couldn't, there wasn't anything chan could do- he was frozen,  _stuck_ to the edge, never knowing when the pain will be relieved and let go, but filled with a fear of plummeting to his death with nobody to see him. the warmth that was once in the tan boy's smile was gone, the snaggle-toothed smile mingyu wore had nothing but a sickening greed radiating from him. chan yearned for something- someone-  _anything, anything please, he was suffering_. yet, nothing.

his cries and pleas were stuck in his throat, everything cold and numb as mingyu stared at the boy with his frozen, black frost-bitten fingers, stuck to the surface of the rock for an unknown eternity-  _forever_.

_just how long is our forever._

the thought flashed through his body, sensation after sensation, nightmare after nightmare, every gash and punch and attack from a suffering soul filling him with hate and greed. he wanted out-  _he wanted out, he **needed out**_.

but, as the attacks felt relentless, there was a fade. he was left on the steaming, boiling floor, evil eyes of minghao staring at the suffering boy. his eyes felt like stone, taking all the effort chan had to look around for-

soonyoung.

he was gone. he fled, no care in the world. he left his love, his  _forever_ , to rot.

_forever isn't that long after all._

chan shrunk to a size he'd never thought possible, nothing more but an ant in the grass, the hiker hovering over him with full intent to step on the nuisance. chan closed his eyes, shadows flowing over him, and expecting the crushing weight of minghao to end the pain he felt.

yet, it didn't. there was a surge, something other than pity, something other than a fear-related emotion. there was  _rage_.

he could feel the light inside him go out, the last flicker, the last spark, sizzle into nothingness. his hand reached up, making contact with the shoe that was intended to crush the angel into nothing but dust. his eyes flashed and he could only see fury. he could only feel the pain, the hate, the  _sins_ that he endured.

a sickening smile crossed minghao's face, looking at the corrupted boy, and allowing his end to come. minghao embraced the death, feeling nothing as his soul was torn into pieces by the once-pure pearl. but, with heaven now hurled into hell, there was no way to return to his shell.

 

there, in the center of hell, he watched as everything pixelized around him. nothing was more but a game now, and he defeated the final boss. now,  _he_ was the final boss.


	2. pixels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> choose your level.
> 
> \- start  
> \- guard  
> \- fish  
> \- bird  
> \- pack  
> \- final boss <
> 
> final boss: is that correct?  
> yes < no
> 
> loading . . .

**LOADING . . . 4%**

 

**LOADING . . . 17%**

 

**LOADING . . . 70%**

 

**LOADING . . . 100%**

 

**PLAYER 1: PARASITE | CLASS: PLAGUEBEARER**

 

 

 

a cold breeze tickled his firey skin, blood a raging river in his veins. his clothes were torn, scars littering his body. the galaxy was dark, the sun setting upon every planet as he rose from the crust of the earth. betrayal painted his eyes, staining his hair red and dripping from his teeth. a tangy taste in his mouth, thrumming in his skin as he looked around the city.

the city had changed, everything gone and replaced with nothing but plaster. rage filled him once more, remembering the pity- the sadness in joshua's eyes when he first found him. the lonely parasite sitting in a clam, waiting to be broken open and shown to the sea. oh, how the pity was gasoline to his fire that burned his lungs. the horror he was never shown, the picture-perfect world he was shown instead of reality. the path he was drawn only to think it was the only one.

his feet skimmed the worlds, searching for the familiar waters he once swam. he needed the  _scum_ to be eliminated, to be  _terminated_. one who pities the young, will be higher than the elders, and never think otherwise. he could smell the salt, the gut-churning salt he was found, sensing the presence of the fish he once knew.

he dived into the water, pulsing his energy and leaving coral and plants wilting in his wake. he was a disease, waiting to infect him, to bring the ugly  _fucking_ fish to the bottom. he lusted to see the bitch drown in its home, to suffocate with air all around him, to get crushed and plastered by the ocean density. all around him, fish and sharks and sea creatures darted away, warning their friends with hurried whispers to run, to run,  _fucking run_.

he found him, joshua. the big, cat-like eyes with warmth of the shining sun through the ocean surface. all of it drained when he saw how the parasite had changed, a horror chilling the man to the very core. in an instant, the ocean aged dramatically, dying ocean life floating like a grotesque trail leading to him.

" _what happened-_ "

the fish was cut off, nothing more than a nuisance to chan, a pot boiling over with anger, spilling and stinging and steaming. he rushed over, waves carrying him like they used to, and he grabbed the older at the throat. cold, helpless fingers gripped chan's hands, eyes open in a plea to live, a plea for explanation, and mouth open in a voiceless yell that would only get lost in the void of chan's ears.

there was a moment, a flash, where joshua's warm hands cupped chan's cheeks, and he felt something. he felt the pang in his heart, but he wouldn't dare be fooled again. he was pitied, belittled, and if he were never grabbed by the cursed ocean currents in the first place, he would've never had to endure the pain that was-

 _god,_ chan couldn't even think of him without feeling his entire being heat up in pure fury.

" _i. will. infect you._ " chan whispered breathily, planting his lips onto the unbreathing mouth of joshua.

he let go of the fish's neck, feeling him inhale the disease from his lungs, feeling the warmth sickly flow into joshua, and he felt the strength dripping from his being. his work was done. chan roughly pushed the older away, disregarding him like his socks after a day of hiking.

he allowed himself to ascend to the ocean surface, a part of his brain nagging at him as he left the man without seeing him die, but he didn't want to. he didn't care if he died, didn't care if he suffered, didn't  _care._ he just wanted him to feel the pain he was subjected to. it was over now. so he took to the skies, thunderclouds following him like a cape. he was the parasite to carry the disease from cell to cell, from person to person, letting them taste the blood in his mouth. maybe they'd die, maybe they'd just suffer. it was okay, he just wanted- just wanted  _something_.

he could feel the clear, pure air he had flown through, being warned of thunderclouds, but now carrying them like they were his pets. the leaves turned yellow, suffocating as he flew, letting the tornado he created carry him to the angel he once called his brother. the pure white feathers left a path leading to his home, the people staring and whispering at the kind face that turned to stone. they saw him, yet none stopped. they didn't dare come close, for fear of catching the infection like their oceanic brethren.

there was no use in knocking, no use in introducing himself. it seems he was prepared for chan, as he came face to face to jeonghan within seconds of entering his abode. nothing had changed, still the same cot he slept in, the same trades of the beauty jeonghan had showed him. his wings were malting, although he was fully-grown, he seemed worn and empty, and his eyes sank into his skull when he saw the sharp eyes of chan.

" _..why are you doing this?_ " jeonghan whispered, the howls of the wind whipping their hair around nearly drowning out the broken voice.

chan faltered, mouth cracked open to suck in a breath, but no voice coming out to answer. there wasn't a proper explanation for him, not a real reason for jeonghan. he just- he  _needed_ do. he had to exploit this before whatever this was ended, and killed  _him_.

" _..revenge._ " was all he said.

there was a lunge, but the bird was fast, knowing the sky and the air, still flying with such grace and intensity as he used to, despite the balding wings.

" _stop, you're better than this._ " jeonghan had screamed.

there.  _there._ it was there, the pity. the sadness, the greed. it made chan  _sick_. it made him want to vomit, made him repulsed that he ever let this man guide him, ever let him learn what he knows. it hurt, remembering the joy, remembering the adventures they sought through the clouds, the cotton candy they made from fog. it wasn't there anymore, it was just...

chan didn't even know. all he knows is that he was repulsed.

he latched onto the elder's throat, hands squeezing so hard it felt like he might break his neck. but, that's not what he does. he's just a  _fucking_ parasite, wasn't he. he wasn't a fool- he knew they wanted to change him. they wanted to use him. he was just a lonely, sad fucking  _parasite._

he didn't say any words, just leaning close with hells heat radiating off him, burning the delicate skin of the angel, watching the pain make him squirm and writhe, flinching like he found his weakness. he put his lips on the olders, relishing in the gratifying feeling of the desperate inhale of jeonghan the moment his hands were away from his neck. the gasping of air that got weaker, that melted the paradise around them into nothing more than a washed away dream. he felt the fingertips of his hands ache, go cold, telling him where to go next.

he left the skies, leaving the angel laying on the cloud, heaving for breath despite the oxygen-rich air that floated around him. the mountains taunted him, snow gently gleaming like pristine glass blown from the most precise expert. he remembers that smile, that smile with the tooth-hooked lip, it radiated a motherly disappointment. it made him feel worthless, made him feel like he couldn't take care of himself. he was content with freezing to death in the snow he landed in, he was content, up until that fucking pack found him.

the snow turned to hail, freezing over and scraping his skin like nails on a chalkboard. he saw the galaxy above him, the stars taunting him, pointing at him, like the sad pearl he was. the sad parasite he was destine to be, and to never grow out of. he would put out every star in that damned sky, going straight for the boy with the galaxy in his eyes. his eyes were once warm and inviting, tasting like honey and feeling like a mothers embrace, but no longer did they feel like that.

the hike up to the snow left him freezing, stalking into the stars that kept mingyu safe. he knew the little shit wouldn't be able to hurt him, neither would his stars. the glittering around him radiated onto him, once comforting but now annoyingly blinding.

" _chan.._ " he whispered.

he wasn't pitying. he wasn't disappointed. he was broken. he was a broken man- the ocean drying up, the sky turning red, and now the stars would go out. thats what was needed, though. a cleansing. the ocean wasn't needed- the sky could be replaced- the stars only contributed to more wasteful planets.

" _don't pull your pity on me,_ " chan snapped, " _you and your fucking holier-than-thou attitude. save it for your next patient._ "

there was no fighting it- there was no strength from mingyu  _to_ fight it. chan was fast, wrapping his hands around the glittering, stardusted neck, and letting his parasitic disease crawl into his lungs. it was a blink, and the boy was gone, leaving mingyu to sit on the rings of saturn and feel it worming its way through his bloodstream.

he was going for the next- the  _ultimate_.

soonyoung.

he scoured the universe, all the realities, trying to find the one he hid in. it didn't feel real, the hunt he was putting himself through. it didn't feel like any time had even passed, yet the town had changed. the love, the garden of eden he met soonyoung in, the apple he bit into long ago now rotted and part of the ground. chan felt his mouth water, the juices of that apple still forever tainting his taste buds. perhaps thats the disease he carried, the cursed apple he took from his love.

chan stood before a building- nothing like the colorful gasses and swirling realities he used to venture through. it was stoic, gray, tv screens playing static. it was like a war had happened, but chan was not deterred.

he walked up to the building, not hesitating to kick down anybody who stood in his way. the different realities tied in front of him, trying to stop, the galaxies and planets colliding against him, but never making him waver. he was a  _parasite_ , what else could he do besides adapt.

soonyoung was waiting for him- the future was clear.

it was an office, it seemed. he stood, a perfectly steamed suit contouring his perfection.

" _i know why you're here,_ " soonyoung spit, taking steps towards him.

chan's hands twitched with want, but they froze at his side, feeling the cold tug of guilt washing through him.

" _you've come to infect me, lovely parasite. revenge._ " he whispered, his skin colder than the ice planets that resided around him.

there was a stunned silence, no words from the younger. soonyoung grabbed his wrist, placing chan's hands on his neck.

chan just stared, his eyes wide. he stared into the galaxies that intrigued him, the waves crashing against the sky in such a lovely dance. his fingers stilled, seeing the youthful soonyoung he fell in love with, falling so hard through every layer of the earth.

" _well?_ " soonyoung mumbled, " _start the infection. i'm not scared to die._ "

there was something. his arms were pulled by the winds, the tug of the current, the ocean calling him to step back, the clouds carrying him with the swirl of the snow. his hand slipped from his neck, falling limply back to his side.

soonyoung closed his eyes-

 _smack_.

chan lurched backwards, hand going to the stinging on his cheek, seeing red all over again. he remembers him- remembers minghao, the deteriorating halo around his head, the lack of anything above soonyoungs, the devil's sly smile and sick laughter when soonyoung slapped him.

his vision was flooded with blood, hand springing out to grasp onto soonyoungs neck-

_and he remembered, the softness of his laugh, the music that he'd never heard before being dripped into his ears from the honey vocals. the warmth and pleasure of a lovers embrace, the sereneness they once had._

his hand fell again, and soonyoung clenched his fist.

" _pity?_ "

there was a blast- a deafening, blinding, absolutely numbing blast, and he felt like he was projected into another reality- a reality where this never happened. a reality where nothing happened, he was just a pearl. he wasn't in heaven or hell, his only meaning was to be.

there was a click, a gun at his throat, and hand on soonyoungs, the gun glittering like every galaxy was harvested in the ripest moments. there was nothing left, hand gripping soonyoung just as the others, feeling the guts spill from his throat, the dead stars flooding out like a sickness that could never be cured, and a shot through his throat.

they fell as one, thumping against the floor, a whole being separated and cursed to live as two. two souls forced to be as one, yet ripped at the stitches that kept them together. he felt the rest of him leave, the shot shaking his breath into stone, heavy in his chest and filling with- not blood, but guilt.  _guilt_ overwhelmed him, whispering curses in his ears, never letting another disease slip through his permeable lips.

it was a moment, a moment of clarity, eyes creaking to stare at his lover, seeing the disease infect him and take him prisoner, as it had with him. he felt the hatered fade, the rage simmered until it was frozen and no longer boiling. chan felt nothing but the subconsciousness inside him in a war trying to keep him there.

yet, he was merely a parasite. a cell, a few items, nothing of importance. the edges of his vision blurred, pixels flashing in and out of light, stars swirling and breaking the screen, ocean cracking and glitching. the wind made him numb, carrying the war to lengths never thought to be imaginable.

was this real? was this even a reality he belonged to? he doesn't know. his hands were heavy, frozen to the floor, no breath coming from him. he missed the pearl, he missed the love, he missed his friends. he stared at the galaxy through the transparent roof. he saw the waves of stars being carried with the wind, watched the smiles and love floating through the air, the comets and asteroids dancing in unmistakable harmony.

and he felt himself coming to the end of his cycle. he was soon to be anew, soon to be one with the world, all in a rash act of fury.

_apoptosis._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> thank you for reading this.  
> i had wanted to write something extremely abstract for a long time.  
> based off rock opera 1 & 2 by emezie okorafor on youtube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFLeJxqLvGA


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